I can hear the sarcastic intakes of breath from all my many fans. But seriously, it has become an issue with me. My being spoiled, that is. Not sarcasm. It is, after all, my preferred method of communicating. So, in order to root out the spoiledness (no, that is not a word. Well, it's my word) within myself, I must look at myself and see in which ways I behave rottenly and then what I can do to correct them.
I think the roots of my being spoiled are fairly obvious to myself but really no one knows me so I had better explain. First, I am an only child and I am all the things people think of when they envision only children. I am very mature for my age - it comes from hanging out with my mom and her friends. I am also childish in some ways because I was always so sheltered and never had to fight or strive hard for anything (attention). So sometimes I don't always know that how I behave in public is wrong because I am not used to functioning in large groups.
My mother is my best friend. I have no idea if that is possible with people who have to share their mothers with their siblings or not. My mother is the middle child in her generation. But because I am the only child, I never have to fight for or share attention from either of my parents. I am definitely a momma's girl. Which I am pretty sure comes from the fact that my mother and I lived with my grandmother for most of my young, impressionable years. She married my dad (step-dad technically), when I was 7 but by then I feel like my bond had been made. However, my family keeps to ourselves but we have a strong bond. For various reasons, we don't see much of our extended families. And I feel like, especially lately, we have developed this sort of ..... nest thing. I wish I could describe it.
Perhaps I can. If you are familiar with True Blood you may be familiar with this explanation. In True Blood, in the first season, there was a nest of vampires that lived together. Since they spent all their time together, they fed off each other's energy, and attitudes. Because they only had each other to talk to, they became more like each other, more ruthless and inhumane and lost all sense of the humanity that may have once had.
I feel like my family and I are. We always agree with one another and we always support each other's ideas and even prejudices. This does nothing to help me loose some of my selfish ways. It just feeds into it. My parents are in their way, enabling this attitude and behavior. And I turn enable theirs. Although neither of my parents can be accused of being lazy or selfish.
I guess I should take that into consideration and perhaps try to ..... I dunno. Should I socialize more. It would be forced for a while, but maybe I could get used to it. I love texting and being on facebook and even reading everyone's blogs. But phone calls and hanging out just taxes my social skills and patience. I would much rather be reading or staring at a computer screen.
I also have a problem with food. If you want to find out just how spoiled I am, give me free reign on dinner. I am a picky eater and I never want anything simple. I love heavy, rich, carbohydrate infused foods. Yep - PASTA! Most people might just say that I am a picky eater. But I feel like it's more than that. Even though here lately I have found eating to be more a chore that I would rather not do. If I could always have my way, I would eat like a Roman Senator every meal. And I do not like my food to touch. Although that may just be a quirk. My aunt is the same way.
So, should I change my eating habits? Well, I'm pretty sure that I should given I'm pushing 300 lbs. I know I need to buckle down and get serious and shed another 50 or so pounds but I cant just cant move my ass right now. After Christmas. That's what, only a couple of weeks from now anyway. But should I change how I look at food. Yes, I'm sure. But do you know how hard it is to completely revamp your diet in a house with 2 other fat people are not going to appreciate the change in routine.
I dunno. After writing this out, these things seem, pretty trivial. Maybe they are. Maybe it's just my crazy brain looking for scape goats and excuses.
Interesting self-assessments. I will definitely have to re-read (possibly a few times) and respond.
ReplyDeleteoh lord
ReplyDeleteNOT trivial. These 'things' make up who you are. You've identified the roots, and that's important. You've identified how these things currently affect you socially. That's even more important. Now is the hard part . . . can you change or even *SHOULD* you change? So, you're a picky eater. Everyone is in their own way. So, you're not social (in a face-to-face way). You still have a job, family, and friends. As long as you're not a shut-in, that's ok too. Now . . . as for the weight. I'm the last person on the planet that should be giving advice, so I'll keep it brief. Only YOU know when it's time to make that change. Others can 'suggest' things to you, or they can even make insensitive comments that they swear are supposed to be helpful: "But you have such a pretty face." "Wouldn't you like to shop for better clothes?" Or worse, you get 'the look' when you eat something that they don't feel is appropriate. All of these things DON'T help. At least they didn't help me. They made me want to retreat even more. The important part is that you're young, maybe not in brain years because you're very mature, but body-wise. You still have time to work things out before it really becomes an issue. I won't say "It's never too late." because that's total bullshit. But you really have to do these things for yourself in your own time.
ReplyDeleteFor now, have fun, even if it's your own kind of fun, and don't be so quick to 'conform'.
See . . . it wasn't so bad. Jeesh.
No, not too bad. Kinda cool actually. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm an only child too! I see a lot of similarities in our attitudes, and in the way our families are about distant relatives and so on.
ReplyDelete