Yes, I am just trying not to worry about this. I figure time will sort things out soon enough. Hmmm......problem is, I don't know which one is a good choice. Basically, there is .... W and then there is E. Yea, those are the guys initials. Who would have thought? Me, almost 30 (as my mom likes to remind me lol), and I am going through high school BS about which guy I'm lusting after this week. Ok, so it's been going on for longer than a week lol,
but still. Should I really be having these feelings? Perhaps that brand of birth control was controlling my hormones all month, not just the week of my cycle.
So, I have been tossing and turning things over in my mind for a little while now. I have decided that making a list is the best thing to do. A comparison. Why? I dunno. Because I already know the pros and cons for both. I already know which would be the correct choice. But I can't just let it go, and I don't know why (maybe lust).
W
- affectionate / thoughtful
- loyal / trustworthy
- dependable
- steady income
- has car / will travel
- older
- physically almost perfect
- not very creative
- does not keep up news / politics
- is a yankee
- got mixed feelings from his family
- I do love him
- we have a history (recent history)
- as shallow as it sounds, he always brings me small gifts.
- we have almost nothing in common with
- we usually have a good time when together
- is an alcoholic (I think alcoholics will always be one, even if they never drink)
- has lots of mood swings, depression issues / refuses to see a doctor about it
- my family likes him
- we have talked about getting married and him moving in
- we often have arguments
- we have said arguments a lot because we tend to misunderstand each other
- we are not often together, however when we are he dominates my time and gets mad if I had previous plans and do not want to change them
- he is desperately in love with me and it would crush him if he didn't have me
- I really do care about him
- I have begun to wonder if my feelings haven't changed towards him because of some recent negative events
- He makes me feel wonderful and awesome and always compliments me. He thinks I'm sexy and beautiful.
- Our zodiac signs are actually compatible
E
- Sexual / freaky but I'm not sure he could be affectionate.
- Is sarcastic
- Has a nice job
- Has car / will travel
- Older than me (not as old as W)
- I find him attractive
- Very creative
- Up to date on everything lol
- Also a yankee lol
- He doesn't spend a lot of his time with his family, not sure I would. Possible that they are more accepting but I have never met them
- No, I am not in love with him. I do care for him. I want him to feel better about himself and be a better person. I have never given myself the chance to get close enough to him to love him. But it's possible.
- We have a history
- Generous and attentive when giving gifts
- We have a lot of things in common
- I always enjoy talking to him. I'm always interested in what he has to say because is .... current on most things. Even if it's texting, emails, or phone calls.
- Has vices (spending money) but I know he would never become addicted to a "drug" or loose control when buzzed.
- Is generally a level person. Can be down on himself. I have not noticed such wide mood swings.
- My family doesn't know him, but they encourage our friendship. Would likely be accepting or loving of him if given the chance.
- Not sure what his views of marriage would be. Of course, I know that depends from person to person that you date.
- We dont argue. I dont think. We have nothing to argue about. And even if he is being overly sarcastic, it doesnt really bother me. Because that's just how it is, and I dont take it person. Then again, there is a chance that my feelings would change if things got serious.
- I would not likely see much of E either. However, I KNOW that if/when we were together that he would not mind me doing my own thing or paying attention to something other than him for a little while.
- There is an obvious mutual attraction. However, it could just be lust. It could just be that we never have tried anything and have an itch to scratch. Who knows, perhaps once we try to do something about it, we will see the light and realize it was just .... puppy lust lol.
- I do care for him. However, some of my concern and love for him is almost brotherly. I am not IN love with him. Yet. Dont know if I ever really could be.
- I am not sure if my feelings are changing towards him. Obviously, something is getting stronger, I'm just not sure which feeling it is lol.
- I know he finds me attractive. However, I don't know if he really thinks I'm beautiful. Nor do I know if he has it in him to compliment me and some me in small ways how he feels.
- Our zodiac signs are not compatible
So, there it is. My list. Ideas, suggestions, advice. All helpful.Not that this could accurately describe either of these men. These are just some looming issues in my mind. Well, let me say this ..... Those are some of the looming issues I have had with W. Therefore, I am comparing THOSE issues with the way I imagine things would work out with E. There is always the chance that E and I would have other issues that would weigh negatively in E's favor compared with W. But how would I know unless I tried things with E.
But I will be honest. It also weighs heavy on my heart that W is very in love with me. And if I hurt him, I would hate myself. Because for all he is, he is a good guy and I'll be damned if I had something else negative to his life. But, if things got that serious between me and E, would it be right to keep talking to W just so I dont hurt him. Wouldn't I hurt him by doing that if I decided my heart truly lay elsewhere? AAAHHHH! Circles. Nasty, vicious, cyclical circles.
