Well, last night was enlightening, and I had a great time lol. I went to a pool party last night. And after dark, the pool party got a little loose. First, the girls got topless. Then we all got naked. I was not at all bashful or ashamed to be naked in such a crowd. And I'm not talking just naked in the pool. I mean naked lounging in chairs, jumping off the diving board, and peeing in the grass (not me personally). And I was not the only fat girl there either. Being so ...... open with these people was absolutely thrilling. And it made me feel really good about myself. And it also made me pretty horny.
Admittedly, the 2 guys there weren't much to look at. However, they were there with their girlfriends so I wasn't shopping. And nothing about it was erotic really.
But being around all those other women, naked, really awakened something in me. Each of them was quite beautiful. And I felt beautiful amongst them. And most of the girls there were also bi. So we had discussion about relationships, sex, etc. And I have found that I am seriously interested in being with another woman now.
Before, when I was younger, I said that I wanted to have sex with another woman. But it was always just a sexual fantasy. However, I am pretty interested now in getting to know another woman, intimately. Not really sure if it's a phase or not. I've always loved looking at women. But getting to be around these.....real, honest women, really touched me.
But I think I've finally found the Goddess in me. And I would love to find it in other women.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Egyptian Marriage
Well, as most of you know, I have been running around lately crying that Brigid had called me. And she did. However, I do not feel like I am ready to commit myself to a god. So I never made any formal declarations towards her. Nor did I feel obligated to. Brigid is an awesome goddess. And she obviously has something to teach me, as I'm sure many gods do. I have figured out that Brigid's message to me tied in pretty closely to what I was told at the divination event I went to last night. Brigid's three fold aspect was used to teach me and drive home the point that I need to work on myself some more, be patient, and build up my defenses and self-esteem. The lovely Brigid was easy to connect with. She made me visually realize this message, as I can be a little hard headed. I know that Aphrodite/Venus are typical love / beauty goddesses. But I might suggest that you spend some time on Brigid and see if she doesn't bring some peaceful, pure, light filled beauty into your heart. She encouraged me to do more thinking with my heart, instead of my head.
Last night, after the divination sessions, I tried a meditation instead of a full circle/worship. And I went on a journey. A very interesting, colorful, detailed journey. This was much different from most meditations or interactions with the gods. Instead of everything happening from my POV, through my eyes, this time I was watching things unfold from both first person POV and third person POV. And kinda at the same time. It was like looking down on a scene, and then having the first person POV laid on top of that. Seeing both at one time, shifting your focus from one to the other. Some of my dreams appear like this too. Most in fact. However the dreams that I have in first person POV tend to be stronger and/or more emotional (stream of consciousness, lol, but also food for thought too). Also, everyone in this journey (myself and the gods) were in their spiritual form. It was not necessarily physically accurate.
This journey began when I opened my mind and heart to the gods. I offered up a quick, simple prayer to Tehuti (Thoth). I realized while I was praying, that I too had acquired an ibis beak. With this beak, I turned to my right slightly and bowed to Horus - falcon headed man. As I bowed to Horus, I prayed and offered him worship. And rather involuntarily, not on purpose, had not been my plan - I promised myself to Heru FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And called him "My Sun and Moon." Before I could even consider what I had just done, Isis flew down and carried me to a temple for a ceremony.
While carrying me to the temple, Brigid appeared. Isis and Brigid then began swirling around each other, in a contest. Isis told Brigid to go away, that Brigid was just a white version of herself and that it was Isis I truly loved. At this, Brigid drifted away. I don't feel like she was upset about losing the contest. I got the impression that it was just another day or that she would get another chance with someone else.
Isis then carried me down into a temple where I found myself dressed in a linen tunic (which I worried about how it clung to me - go figure!). She then introduced me to the entire Egyptian pantheon. Isis told the group that I belonged to Horus. Then a golden light (cheesy, I know lol) seemed to radiate from both myself and down on me from the sun. Isis led me down the stairs of the dais / platform we had been standing on, to mingle with the gods. Each of the gods spoke, and told me congratulations. None were very physical with me, such as hugging or touching - other than Isis. I walked over to Sekmet who had a black cat curled around her shoulders. Sekmet smiled at me (her fangs didn't even look menacing, just kinda exotic and beautiful) and then the black cat (Bast obviously) raised her head to nuzzle me under my neck. The feeling of something on my neck brought me back into my current reality. But for a little while after the journey, I could still feel where the cat had pressed her head into my neck and nuzzled.
And during all this ... ceremony, Heru is standing off to the left of the crowd, by himself, observing in a contented sort of way. I remember looking over at him, beaming. Throughout this whole journey, I remember feeling such peace, and happiness. I was glowing spiritually and emotionally. Yet, there was this voice in the back of my head sounding the alarm going : what have you just done?! lol.
Well, I had some sort of marriage / commitment ceremony with Heru. Received the blessing of Tehuti (having the ibis beak). I was claimed, lol. I haven't felt ready to dedicate myself to a god before because I haven't been truly, 100% on my path for long. I felt too immature to rush into something like that. Yet, it did happen. And I'm so happy now. It happened with the one god I have truly been in love with, Heru. My he always live in the north!
I am currently doing some research on Egyptian temples. I have a small hunch that the temple where the ceremony was held is an actual temple. It could be Kom Ombo but I'm not sure yet. The following three pics are taken from Kom Ombo. In the last one, the large steps up resemble the platform/dais I was standing on.
Last night, after the divination sessions, I tried a meditation instead of a full circle/worship. And I went on a journey. A very interesting, colorful, detailed journey. This was much different from most meditations or interactions with the gods. Instead of everything happening from my POV, through my eyes, this time I was watching things unfold from both first person POV and third person POV. And kinda at the same time. It was like looking down on a scene, and then having the first person POV laid on top of that. Seeing both at one time, shifting your focus from one to the other. Some of my dreams appear like this too. Most in fact. However the dreams that I have in first person POV tend to be stronger and/or more emotional (stream of consciousness, lol, but also food for thought too). Also, everyone in this journey (myself and the gods) were in their spiritual form. It was not necessarily physically accurate.
This journey began when I opened my mind and heart to the gods. I offered up a quick, simple prayer to Tehuti (Thoth). I realized while I was praying, that I too had acquired an ibis beak. With this beak, I turned to my right slightly and bowed to Horus - falcon headed man. As I bowed to Horus, I prayed and offered him worship. And rather involuntarily, not on purpose, had not been my plan - I promised myself to Heru FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And called him "My Sun and Moon." Before I could even consider what I had just done, Isis flew down and carried me to a temple for a ceremony.
While carrying me to the temple, Brigid appeared. Isis and Brigid then began swirling around each other, in a contest. Isis told Brigid to go away, that Brigid was just a white version of herself and that it was Isis I truly loved. At this, Brigid drifted away. I don't feel like she was upset about losing the contest. I got the impression that it was just another day or that she would get another chance with someone else.
Isis then carried me down into a temple where I found myself dressed in a linen tunic (which I worried about how it clung to me - go figure!). She then introduced me to the entire Egyptian pantheon. Isis told the group that I belonged to Horus. Then a golden light (cheesy, I know lol) seemed to radiate from both myself and down on me from the sun. Isis led me down the stairs of the dais / platform we had been standing on, to mingle with the gods. Each of the gods spoke, and told me congratulations. None were very physical with me, such as hugging or touching - other than Isis. I walked over to Sekmet who had a black cat curled around her shoulders. Sekmet smiled at me (her fangs didn't even look menacing, just kinda exotic and beautiful) and then the black cat (Bast obviously) raised her head to nuzzle me under my neck. The feeling of something on my neck brought me back into my current reality. But for a little while after the journey, I could still feel where the cat had pressed her head into my neck and nuzzled.
And during all this ... ceremony, Heru is standing off to the left of the crowd, by himself, observing in a contented sort of way. I remember looking over at him, beaming. Throughout this whole journey, I remember feeling such peace, and happiness. I was glowing spiritually and emotionally. Yet, there was this voice in the back of my head sounding the alarm going : what have you just done?! lol.
Well, I had some sort of marriage / commitment ceremony with Heru. Received the blessing of Tehuti (having the ibis beak). I was claimed, lol. I haven't felt ready to dedicate myself to a god before because I haven't been truly, 100% on my path for long. I felt too immature to rush into something like that. Yet, it did happen. And I'm so happy now. It happened with the one god I have truly been in love with, Heru. My he always live in the north!
I am currently doing some research on Egyptian temples. I have a small hunch that the temple where the ceremony was held is an actual temple. It could be Kom Ombo but I'm not sure yet. The following three pics are taken from Kom Ombo. In the last one, the large steps up resemble the platform/dais I was standing on.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Three Tarots
Well, tonight I went to Desserts & Divination. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, or was expecting, but I still enjoyed it. While I was there, I received 3 different readings from 3 different tarot decks. My first, was a lady named Nancy who gave out crystals to her customers. She did not use a traditional tarot deck. I don't even know what kind of deck it was. However, she was VERY good. I enjoyed listening to her and she showed me a lot. She made me cry too. Which wasn't really a bad thing, because according all of my readings, I have good, happy things coming my way. As soon as I deal with my own issues. I also got a reading from Cindy, the temple intuitive. She too hit most of the nails on the head. My love life my be screwed a little bit though, lol. My third reading was from a woman's deck of round cards. It was the least helpful in a way, but promising too. That reading sort of drove home some points for me.
I think each of these readings was good for me, and right on time in my life. I left the center feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I feel cleansed. I so want to hold on to this feeling. I swear I feel the gods' light and love and warmth. I can see their light shining ahead of me, lighting my path.
Yet it all comes down to a certain thing. ME. I must work on me. I must learn to trust ME. I must learn to be ME. To find out who ME is. I know, it is a life long journey, and I am a late beginner. The good times are coming. Happiness and over flowing cups are coming to me, if I can be ME and live ME.
So, I put this in black in white, for all the universe to see. Gods, Brigid, Lord Heru, Tehuti, Bast, and Ixchel, please guide me and help to keep me on this path.
I think each of these readings was good for me, and right on time in my life. I left the center feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I feel cleansed. I so want to hold on to this feeling. I swear I feel the gods' light and love and warmth. I can see their light shining ahead of me, lighting my path.
Yet it all comes down to a certain thing. ME. I must work on me. I must learn to trust ME. I must learn to be ME. To find out who ME is. I know, it is a life long journey, and I am a late beginner. The good times are coming. Happiness and over flowing cups are coming to me, if I can be ME and live ME.
So, I put this in black in white, for all the universe to see. Gods, Brigid, Lord Heru, Tehuti, Bast, and Ixchel, please guide me and help to keep me on this path.
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
To Rid Yourself of Negative Energy (Candle Magick)
OK. For my lovlies who missed Temple last Saturday night, I am going to post the spell that Sonya and Brian came up with. It is a candle magick spell. You need one black candle, one brown candle, and one white candle. Sonya and Brian used 7 Day candles, I however have bought taper candles. I guess any candle would work. Perhaps I should ask that.....Anyways, you will also need salt. At the temple, we cast a circle before doing this spell. I would suggest also casting your own beforehand. This time at temple, Sonya called the Egyptian gods. Seems to be different every time I go, lol.
(Side note for Indigo: Sonya called Isis in the East. Osiris in the South. Neferet in the West. Horus in the North.)
1. Light the black candle. Stand, or sit, with your arms out held, and ask your god/dess to remove all the negative energy/attitude/thoughts from you. Once you feel an answer, bring your arms down and cup your hands together. Hold your hands cupped until you feel a ball of energy in your hands. When you are ready, you will take the energy in your hands and push it into the candle. Do it with force. Mean it. However, before you do this or while you are releasing this energy into the candle, say, "I command you negative energy to leave me." If you want, you can even name the negative energy when you release it into the candle, such as doubt or suspicion, etc. Place the black candle on your altar.
2. Light the brown candle. Focus on the brown candle. Chant "Transformation, transformation, this is what I will." Chant as long as you want, or until you feel like you have enough energy raised. Set the brown candle down next to the black candle. Now take the salt and draw an arrow in front of the candles. This is to show the energy which way to move. So draw an arrow moving away from the black candle, towards and past the brown candle and ending in front of the white candle.
3. Now, light the white candle. Focus on the white candle. Chant "I can change. I am changing. I can change. I am changing. I can change. I am changing, into what is best for me." Chant as long as you wan, or until you feel like enough energy has been raised, or you feel the change.
Do whatever else you want to do as far as ritual, worship, prayer. Close your circle.
(Side note for Indigo: Sonya called Isis in the East. Osiris in the South. Neferet in the West. Horus in the North.)
1. Light the black candle. Stand, or sit, with your arms out held, and ask your god/dess to remove all the negative energy/attitude/thoughts from you. Once you feel an answer, bring your arms down and cup your hands together. Hold your hands cupped until you feel a ball of energy in your hands. When you are ready, you will take the energy in your hands and push it into the candle. Do it with force. Mean it. However, before you do this or while you are releasing this energy into the candle, say, "I command you negative energy to leave me." If you want, you can even name the negative energy when you release it into the candle, such as doubt or suspicion, etc. Place the black candle on your altar.
2. Light the brown candle. Focus on the brown candle. Chant "Transformation, transformation, this is what I will." Chant as long as you want, or until you feel like you have enough energy raised. Set the brown candle down next to the black candle. Now take the salt and draw an arrow in front of the candles. This is to show the energy which way to move. So draw an arrow moving away from the black candle, towards and past the brown candle and ending in front of the white candle.
3. Now, light the white candle. Focus on the white candle. Chant "I can change. I am changing. I can change. I am changing. I can change. I am changing, into what is best for me." Chant as long as you wan, or until you feel like enough energy has been raised, or you feel the change.
Do whatever else you want to do as far as ritual, worship, prayer. Close your circle.
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